The fortune cookie in my bag of Chinese food says that something life changing is about to happen to me, but it doesn’t say if that something will be good or bad, so now I’m worried that someone I know is going to die or some shit, and I don’t want to finish my foodContinue reading “Fortune”
Tag Archives: Humor
Happy
Pornstars always look so happy when they’re fucking. They look so happy that it makes me happy too. And I know that people don’t think much of pornstars. And it’s too bad that they’re all sex addicts. But I just can’t feel bad for someone who can find that much joy in anything. I don’tContinue reading “Happy”
Happiness
I worked on a Construction site For a couple of Weeks last summer. I started at 7 am, I got lunch at noon, And I left at 5. Everyday. My job was to lay base. That’s the trim along The bottom of the wall. I had to lay that shit All fucking day long. Everyday.Continue reading “Happiness”
Opinions
I don’t think That people Should share Their opinions. I just don’t Think that They matter. But hey, that’s Just my opinion.
Morning Commute
I like to jerk off While I drive to work, Because it helps me Get rid of all of my nerves, Although it sucks When I cum on my shirt, Or when I swerve Into the next lane, Because people always Give me shitty looks For jerking off Behind the wheel, Like I’m some perv,Continue reading “Morning Commute”
Couch
There was an ugly little couch with a flowery-print sitting on the side of the road earlier. I saw it on my way to the grocery store. It was so ugly and sad, with its flowery print worn away from all of the sweaty backs that had rubbed against it, and with its cushions depressed downContinue reading “Couch”
Hickey
I woke up with a hickey on my neck. A big, ugly, purple one. Right there, on fucking display, between my Adam’s apple and the underside of my jaw. I woke up with a hickey on my neck, but I didn’t wake up next to anyone. Just me, with the sheets thrown every which wayContinue reading “Hickey”
Parenthood
Yesterday was my cat’s First birthday, So I went to the store To get her a toy, And to get her a treat. I thought she’d like that. But when I came home I found her licking her pussy And drinking gin… They really do grow up so fast.
Similes
Writing… Sometimes it’s hard, And you have to force it out, Like a stream of piss in the morning, After a night of Sex. But sometimes it’s easy, And it happens on accident, Like a wet fart in the morning, After a night of Diarrhea. Then sometimes it just happens, And it’s not too hardContinue reading “Similes”
Routine Lunch
That’s all that it said, On the blank page Of the notebook That I keep next to My bed: “Routine Lunch.” That’s all that it said, On the paper I use To write down the Drunk thoughts that I have. “Routine Lunch.” I say in my head, Over and Over and Over again. “Routine Lunch.”Continue reading “Routine Lunch”
