I walked down to the beach this morning, even though I don’t live by the ocean. Or any body of water. I just walked until I heard the sound of waves in my head. The smell of salt in my nose. None of it was real, but it felt good anyways. It felt like I could step out into the water and drown myself whenever I was ready. Whenever I wanted. Only I didn’t want to. Because even though the idea of finality is appealing, I have a few reasons to stay here for now, and finish what I started. And I know that what I started isn’t much, but not much is better than nothing at all, and I’d like to see that through, whether it amounts to anything or not. Because I don’t care about pissing the farthest, I just care about pissing in general. It’s not me against you. It’s me against me against me against me. And somehow, I don’t think that I’m winning yet. The thought makes me sweat.
I open my eyes and find myself in the parking lot of a liquor store. No shoreline or beach or ocean. And I know it’s early, but I think about going in and buying a bottle. I think about it. I think about it. But then I don’t. And instead, I go home. Because I don’t feel like drowning myself yet.
we are our own harshest critic. sucks, but true.
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very true. thanks for reading
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my pleasure!
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Holy Fuck!
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… in a good way?
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Oh most DEFINITELY in a good way, Lou.
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well shit. thank you
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Woahhh! This is soo good!
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shit. thank you very much
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Well done–both the decision not to drown yourself and the writing. I’m pulling for you. Maybe the next chapter of your life is the best. Got to stick around to find out.
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thank you and thank you. maybe it will be. we’ll see
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I really love this, beautiful writing Lou.
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very kind. thank you
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brilliant
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thank you Dale
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One day at a time, brother. Good job.
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exactly. thank you
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Exceptional piece man, exceptional!
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thank you, thank you. very nice words
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“Because I don’t care about pissing the farthest, I just care about pissing in general.” Up a rope, down your leg, in the Post Toasties. That’s like a Half Price Books self-help section in a line. Nice work.
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thanks Phil. glad you like it
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This is wonderful, Lou. Truly wonderful. I get you, not wanting to beat anyone else but yourself. It’s so true. Thanks for your honesty and for writing these incredible words for the rest of us to read and identify with. You’re awesome.
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damn. very very kind. but thank you for reading them. means a lot
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Always. I really do look forward to seeing what you’ve got with each next post.
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well ill keep them coming. thank you again
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Me neither though drowning is an idea very close to me. One day. Not yet.
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hold on
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Not planning yet, no worries.
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good
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I’ll let u know, in writing.
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well ill be reading
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A wonderful piece of self observation!
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thank you. happy you liked it
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This is brilliant, Lou, really good. I know just how you feel.
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thank you very much. i think a lot of us have probably been there
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Yes! and that’s what I especially loved about this…
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well it’s nice to know others have been there too. glad you enjoyed it
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“but not much is better than nothing at all,” Ain’t that the truth! Don’t down yourself yet, you have more to say…
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i think i do. staying above water for now
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This is amazing. It speaks to the creative process, not being perfect, being human and alive. Blew me away. Beautiful writing.
-Jill
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wow. that was a beautiful comment. thank you
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You are welcome. I meant every word.
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your writing is so real. i love how you join your ideas together and tie in analogies to illustrate your thought processes–fantastic job xx
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im happy you see it. thank you for reading
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Well, that was like asphalt surfing, on your knees. (Done that, no fun.)
Nicely reflective and twisty, just enough twisty. I love that whole beginning. Shit, that was the beginning of a novel, in my mind.
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damn. thank you … definitely don’t want to actually know how asphalt knee-surfing feels, though
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Oh my…..you mesmerized me with this one.😍😍😍😍😍
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well im glad you liked it. thanks for reading
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Ah you know the “old lady” here ur fan😀keep it up
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haha i will try
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I really sank into this one – gorgeous!
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very cool. thank you
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This one is speechlessly excellent. Brilliant!
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that is very kind. thank you
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Good choice, Lou. I was never one for morning booze; just waited until after lunch!
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cheers to that
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Growth?
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maybe a litte. never sure, though
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I think that’s as good as it gets.
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My favorite so far
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thanks. happy you like it
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I did, you’re welcome.
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